How to get Married without going into Debt!

Happy 2019 again! I am finally ready to write something more full now that I’ve settled into the New Year.

We got married at the start of the month across two days. One of the key components of all our wedding planning was not to spend the average $25k. Ouch. We bought our home in 2019 and got engaged the day we moved in. We also travelled to Italy which we’d planned for almost a whole year. That was our reverse honeymoon.

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Day Two of Our Wedding – 4th January 2019

We’re also thinking about kids a lot now and we’ve been saving of money towards that for when I’m not working in my current job. So our financial resources have had other important purposes in mind and as a older couple (the average age for marriage in New Zealand for both genders is closer to 30 – we’re 35 & 37) we don’t have the time to save money to have children and also splash out on our wedding. We had already put our earlier savings into our house – buying it and improving it.

We went through a few options of how to have a nice wedding without spending a portion of our new important savings. We thought we might just do it at my Husband’s parent’s house but decided that might put too much pressure on people. While we were still thinking about that, we were looking at catering and through that we found the venue that we ended up having our family celebration and ceremony at which was a nature reserve. It has a big lake, a building in case of poor weather and from where to serve food and find shade, and another cottage for my mother and I to use to dress in.

THE KEY FACTOR IN KEEPING WEDDING COSTS DOWN

This may not work for everyone but if you can keep your guest list small, you will save a lot of money. For myself it was quite easy to achieve this as my extended families are quite spread out around the country and are therefore not very close. For my Husband, there was some pressure to invite Aunts, Uncles and Cousins. I think we partially soothed this by the fact that we had our legal ceremony in a Registry Office where you can only have a small amount of guests and then we had our own ceremonial day with our immediate families. We may have some miffed family members now but no one has spoken up yet!

HOW THIS SAVES YOU MONEY

  • Even if you had a celebrant or perhaps married in a church, the more people you invite, the more catering you need to supply.
  • Hiring a venue or even a backyard wedding may cost you money in things like tables, chairs, glasses and the more people you have, the more likely you will want to use a catering company because feeding lots of people is hard work that you might want to avoid on your special day.
  • You could even keep costs down further if you are comfortable by only marrying in a Registry setting and not doing anything further. Many people do and have done for a long time. Be aware that a Registry ceremony can feel very much like a formality as it takes about 5-10 minutes depending on whether you exchange rings.

WHY DID WE HAVE A REGISTRY CEREMONY FIRST?

While we are both interested in Religion (this is what I completed my highest studies in!) and churches are some of the most beautiful places made by man, we don’t belong to a church and found that to be an inappropriate option!

We looked for an independent celebrant but because of the close family nature of our ceremonial day, we decided to that no celebrant (stranger) was ever going to feel quite right either.

I work leading the team that issues marriage licences for my country so I am aware of the processes and thought, why don’t we do it at the Registry and still have our own ceremony the next day. It was the right decision for us.

OUR CEREMONY AT THE NATURE RESERVE

So, how did we manage to run our own ceremony with no help from anyone outside the family?

  • Aside from our wedding cake – which we had at my Husband’s parents house later in the day – we self catered. The food choices were very important, not only because we had dietary requirements to meet but also, we didn’t want to be working hard on the actual day. My Mother and I menu planned and tested recipes for about 3 weeks leading up to the big day. We ditched some things and made sure that we had lots of finger food, platters, and the hot food were all things we could make a couple of days in advance and heat up on the day. We also did a barbeque and catered successfully for 23 people.
  • We did DIY decorations but we kept this subtle because when you are in a beautiful, nature environment, not too much more is needed. img_0208We had daisies, rosemary, lavender, an orchid centrepiece on the food table and we bought in potted plants to create an sacred space for our ceremony.
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We had a duck waltz in. Also, these plants and ourselves were to be viewed from the front, which looked much better! I just don’t have a photo but you can get the idea.

We wrote our own ceremony in which we each had bits to say. We included:

  • Thank you’s for coming and to those who travelled
  • Acknowledgement of Ancestry – living and passed.
  • The story of how we met.
  • Stories of what we’ve done together.
  • Time for others to speak.
  • Vows.
  • Exchanging rings.

This felt much more authentic than had we had someone involved. It was perfect.

OTHER KEY SAVINGS

  • We took a risk and did NOT pay a photographer. All we wanted were a few nice photos on the day and our family members have been talented and kind enough to do that for us. The memories of the day will always last.
  • Wedding attire – Wedding dresses do NOT have to cost thousands. I bought my dress online and accessorised it with a Rosemary and Lavender Flower Crown and some flowers at my wrist. My mother was amazing with helping with making these pieces. My Husband wore nice new but re-useable clothing that he can blend into his work wardrobe – so that was quite practical. My Mother also made him a small floral piece that tied into mine that was pinned to his shirt.
  • Flowers – all our flowers we gathered with the help of my mother (this was her wedding gift to us – lots of plants!) She did an amazing job. I did not want a bouquet type thing to hold as I honestly thought it would drive me nuts!

IN CONCLUSION

Our wedding was perfect, for us. We had known shortly after we got together that we’d likely get married. At that stage we had no idea what that would look like. We honestly had a short engagement in part because we wanted to get married when overseas family would already be in the country but equally because we feel like we are catching up on life a lot of the time. Our relationship catalysed a lot of change for both of us that moved us from the messy people we used to be into people more aligned with the spirit of humanity’s time honoured traditions. Our Wedding was an important part of this.

We did additional saving leading in and paid for things across a 6 month period. If you have a longer engagement, this could be even easier! You can have a beautiful wedding without spending too much, it just requires real thought about what you really need and what you can skip. Be very careful about having things because someone else thinks you should. This is your biggest, special day with your spouse and it has to be meaningful to you.

All the best! – J. xx

We got Married!!!

A month has passed since my last entry & this is just a quick one. We’ve been very busy, not only with Christmas time and working a lot through the season but also with the final planning our wedding. I don’t have many photos yet, but here is our cake ❤️

Our wedding days could not have gone much better & we are very happy 😊 I will post a more substantial blog soon but just thought I’d catch you all up!

Friday Night Wine & Revisiting Italy

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Looking down the Spanish Steps, Rome, September 2018.

I’m going to try to revisit Rome, again.

The above picture is from shortly after we arrived in Italy. We were stubborn and determined to walk from Roma Termini, where we were dropped off by a bus that we’d caught from the airport, to our accommodation, just off Piazza del Popolo.

Google maps is a bit of a saviour. I can’t really imagine having to look at old school maps to get around a city like Rome, with a suitcase, in that heat – 34 degrees celsius. We didn’t really know it at the time and partly followed our noses as much as the map but the route we took was quite scenic, leading us to see some iconic sites of Rome on the way! The aforementioned heat is NOT something we are used to in New Zealand so we had to stop several times on the way, simply to rest. Our walk was probably about 40 minutes, maybe longer with the stops and the uneven cobblestones but we were really relieved to find ourselves safely at our apartment – Al Corso 4.

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Looking down onto Piazza del Popolo, Rome, September 2018.

Our accommodation was just at the entrance to this piazza and we walked down these steps, rested a bit and then realised just how close we were. We were too early for our prearranged check in though, and still had our suitcases which were a bit awkward, but decided to eat our first Roman gelato of many and tried not to melt ourselves.

This was our first lesson in how much Italian we DID NOT learn in advance. We also found ourselves getting stage fright with what we did know. And the conventions of buying things in Italy are not the same as New Zealand. Usually at home, we pay after we have ordered and pay the same person, generally, who served us. We sort of knew in advance that things could operate differently but it was amazing how long we took to get used to this and how intimidating it was at times. We eventually worked it out, after browsing gelato flavours for some time, that we were doing something wrong and were directed to purchase the gelato at a cash register quite far from the gelato. This probably sounds silly but we are just not used to that, and after hours and hours of flights, walking in the heat it all felt quite odd! That said, the eventual cooling gelato made the whole awkward experience worth it!

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View of Piazza del Popolo from our apartment. September 2018.

We checked in to our lovely apartment at Al Corso 4 and I think we just kinda collapsed for a bit. We rested and I had preplanned the route to the supermarket which we headed to later in the day, an early evening stroll, to get essential supplies, coffee, genuine spicy Italian deli meat (I think it was salami?) gluten free crackers, pickled onions, olives, and surprisingly cheap Italian Brie. We basically made a really lame antipasto. With wine. When you are as tired as we were, that seemed amazing.

I am struggling to remember the hazy details of our first day in Italy. We were a bit overwhelmed by the bustle of Rome – so, so different and about a million times busier than our home city Wellington – the smell, the heat, the hustlers (that we observed but were not hustled by on this day), and the language barrier. I want to keep writing about Italy because I am realising that it is fading a little. I have been reliving the experience a little through other people’s photos on Pinterest and of course my own. More to come.